In my vision I kept on seeing a night landscape with floating gassy type of lights on the horizon. I did not need any form of interpretation I just knew I saw the inner humans spirits of people. The ones engulfed in the gassy light were the believers in Christ. There were lot more human spirits enveloped in darkness than those enveloped in light. My spirit grieved because the ratio of those in light were so few compared to those in darkness. I cried out to the Lord: "Why so few Lord?" I did however not connect the dots of what that vision really had to do with me and I at that stage I did not pursue the Lord for an answer.
The next two years were a struggle for survival in many ways. Soon I found myself in a very busy practice again and after not taking care of my health as I should have and having the responsibilities of raising young children, I burnt out. I just did not have anything to give anymore. One night I had a very serious conversation with God. My precise words were "Dear Father I can not go on like this, I don't want to and I do not think I can do this job anymore, I give this over to you, I will go back do that practice tomorrow only if you do the work, as long as there are people walking through the door I will pitch up, but from this day onwards this practice is Yours and You need to do the work - I will simply pitch up." That was exactly what happened from that day onwards. For two years our loving, gracious, kind and merciful Father carried me and that practice and allowed me to rest. Besides pitching up my part in it was very small. The fruit of healing were so much fuller and better than before, that I was absolutely astonished! After those two years Father began to teach me THE BETTER WAY that I so yearned for in my spirit for many years, at a staggering pace. My relationship with Him also deepened intensely and Jesus truly became my First Love.
My family and I could - through Jesus - get rid of many chains of bondage and I could partner with God to share with my patients what He has taught me. My inner being came to life whilst doing this and I had a newfound joy that has never gone away. One night that I will never, ever forget was the night when I had personally and audibly heard the voice of God with my physical ears. Words can not adequately describe what I have experienced that night. God - personally in his own words - told me in a very authoritative voice (but not an angry voice) that I DARE NOT doubt Him. The next morning when I opened my Bible He confirmed the very same thing when the first words that I read were Jeremiah 17:7 "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence", I was in absolute awe, but I also realised I did not fully understand what it meant to really trust God. I still had a lot to learn....
After 7 years of learning and devouring the spiritual food God has put on my plate everyday - understanding more, loving him deeper and living closer and closer to Him, the enemy realised I might be lost to him forever. He then took aim at my youngest son. We went through deep waters fighting on our knees for him. It is here that I SAW the instantaneous POWER of God with my very own eyes in the way God helped us. Another lesson in trusting the Lord learned!
In the same year another big one came! Through a series of events Holy Spirit revealed that I needed to deregister from the Health Profession’s Counsel of South Africa. This was a big shock to me and something that I never suspected the Lord would require of me. For a few days it felt as if the carpet was pulled from underneath my feet. I was floating without direction, feeling trapped and very, very scared. I had to pass yet another test in faith and trust. At a certain moment in time I sat with 5 Bibles open in front of me, each time as I opened one, the very same 2 accounts were right in front of my eyes; Jesus sending out his disciples and Jesus asking the man to follow him who wanted to go and bury his father. It was very clear to me that Jesus was calling me to step into the calling HE had for me.
On 3 different accounts Holy Spirit said to me that I needed to choose. One of them was once again in a vision.
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